I was looking for words to describe this feeling: tired, exhausted, worn out, weary, fatigued, zonked, done in, pooped, just plain tuckered out.
I spent a few more thoughts on it and remembered my own words written in a small brown book only six months ago:
"Today marks the beginning of the last days, the hardest days, the days of nothingness between other things, the awkward invisible space between beginnings and ends. I am in a constant pursuit to make these days not only bearable but enjoyable. If I am not ready, please help. I can not believe I came and now, went. I will carry only a few things with me. But my bag is heavy with friendships. I have learned patience by understanding time, I am sandy and I just don't mind."
The things I gathered from a week on "Inductive Bible Study":
The first missionary is written about in Mark 5. His name was Legion because there were so many demons inside of him. The man lived in the cemetery and was always naked. "Day and night he wandered among the burial caves and in the hills, howling and cutting himself with sharp stones." (5:5) This man was crazy and possessed. People feared him. They couldn't even lock him up; he would just break the chains. Society was at a loss they no longer knew what to do. Then Jesus showed up and sayed, "Come out of that man you evil spirit." And they are all forced to leave. The man is left normal and in is right mind. He had been clothed and saved from an unimaginable life of constant torture. The man pleaded with Jesus to let him come with him. And Jesus replied "No, go home to your family, and tell them everything the Lord has done for you and how merciful he has been." In that moment the man became the first missionary! Jesus had just told a mad with no credibility, probably to education, no history in the church, and definitely no letters of recommendation out into the mission field. So if you have ever thought "I am not qualified" "I don't have enough education" I haven't lived a virtuous enough life" "No one will listen to me" "I don't know how to be a missionary" Those are strait up lies. Isn't that cool?
I also learned that our culture is best reflected by kindergarden age. Ask the next one you run into, whether is is a niece or a random at the park, what they would do with if the had 100$. You will prolly get answers like a new bike, a car that can turn into anything, a swimming pool, a barbie dream house room makeover, a brush that doesn't pull your hair, vacation all the time. Some how things like clean drinking water for all the other little kids in the world, an end to child prostitution, protection for all the animals that go extinct every day, a cure to cancer, or cleaner air to breath doesn't quite make the list. What does that tell us about ourselves. Are there a few adjustments that need to be made?
Food for thought. Just let it simmer.
Hello and Good bye.
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